


Paradise

by PetrichorPerfume



Series: Shenanigans [55]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Apple of Eden, Bad Pick Up Lines, Biblically bad pick up lines, Lucifer wants someone to suck on his serpent, Michael wants to be Adam's Eve, Multi, heat of the moment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-10
Updated: 2014-08-10
Packaged: 2018-02-12 15:47:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2115657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetrichorPerfume/pseuds/PetrichorPerfume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucifer starts to hiss. “I’ll let you sssssssuck my sssssssserpent.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’d let you into my Garden of Eden any day,” Michael says.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“A romp with me would bring you straight to the Promised Land,” Lucifer says.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll make you come so hard you’ll think you’re the second Noah,” Michael offers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paradise

“Hey, Adam,” Michael purrs. “I can be your Eve.” He waggles his eyes and spreads his legs suggestively.

 

Adam rolls his eyes. He usually avoids eating apples for this reason, but he’s a grown-ass man, and he should be able to eat a goddamn apple in his own home without fear of being sexually harassed by not one, but two archangels. 

 

Right on cue, Lucifer starts to hiss. “I’ll let you sssssssuck my sssssssserpent.”

 

“I’d let you into my Garden of Eden any day,” Michael says.

 

“A romp with me would bring you straight to the Promised Land,” Lucifer says.

 

“I’ll make you come so hard you’ll think you’re the second Noah,” Michael offers.

 

“I’ll sin with you,” Lucifer growls.

 

“I might not have caused the Fall of Man,” Michael says with a tiny smirk, “but I’ll Fall to my knees for you.”

 

“A look from you and I would fall from Gr-” Lucifer starts.

 

“OH NO YOU DON’T!” Gabriel and Sam both scream at the same time.

 

“Come on, you love this song and you know it,” Dean says. “It was the _heat_ of the moment!”

 

Adam pulls both Lucifer and Michael to their feet.

 

“Where are you going?” Cas asks.

 

“I’m going to go eat from the tree of all things good and evil so I don’t have to listen to our brothers wailing on about some stupid love triangle they only have on Tuesdays.”

 

“That’s not...” Gabriel starts, then shrugs in defeat. “You do know it wasn’t even an apple, right?”

 

“Yeah, and I didn’t turn into a snake and the tree didn’t actually give them magical powers and Eve wasn’t actually a chick,” Lucifer says. “It’s all details. The general _idea_ remains unchanged.”

 

“Oh, and what’s that?” Gabriel challenges.

 

Lucifer grins. “That I am literally the sexiest being on in the universe.”

 

“What about me?” Michael whines with the most adorable pout ever.

 

“Awww, don’t worry, Mika, you’re the cutest creature in Creation. And together, we’re gonna take Adam to Paradise.” 


End file.
